Infomania

song

AI-generated image

Went down to the library yesterday
To get some info on a Shakespeare play,
Maybe get some Internet on the side
Maybe get lucky, find an Internet bride
Or just take an information joyride.

But when I got there the librarian’s frown
Told me the computer system was down.

I said, “I’m helpless, can you show me the way?”

She took my hand and said, “Well, which play?”

“Hamlet maybe or maybe King Lear.
I’ve got a paper due and the deadline is near.
The very thought of it fills me with fear.”

She looked into my eyes and saw I wasn’t joking.
She said, “Have you ever thought about taking up smoking?”

I said, “I’ve tried it but it just makes me cough.”

She said, “How ‘bout taking all of your clothes off?”

I said, “Well, yes, I do it every night.”

She said, “No, I mean as form of therapeutic insight.”

I said, “Now you’re starting to give me a fright.”

She took me to the Psychology section,
Pulled down a book called How to Get an Erection.

I said, “Well, I appreciate the thought but
What I’m looking for is a summary of the plot.
Can you point me to the Cliff’s Notes section?
All I need is the general direction.
If you’ll do that, I’ll make my selection.”

She said, “I think I know exactly what you need.”
Then she handed me a book called Learn How to Read.

I said, “I can read perfectly well.”
She handed me another one called Learn How to Spell.

I looked at it and said, “Well, I’ll have to be blunt,
My spelling is bad but this is not what I want.”

So she handed me another one called Know When to Punt.

“Listen,” I said, “This is getting absurd.
How about something on Richard III?”

“I thought you said Hamlet,” she said, looking grim.

“It’s a Shakespeare class, I’ll take anything on him.”
That’s what I said, but by now my doubt
Was showing on my face like an ugly snout.

She just looked at me and said, “They’re all checked out.”


[click on the voiceover link above to listen to this song]

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