I am! It adds absolutely nothing to what is otherwise a good poem. And merely detracts. Also in that last line I would say 'the blue', rather than 'blue'. Because in that way it picks up on a well-known phrase about 'disappearing into the blue'. Clichés can be poet's best friend if knowingly used. It's when they are ignored that they prove dangerous.
I'm a fiction writer, not a poet, so I feel a little out of my depth, but I came upon your writing somehow and enjoyed this poem! For me, the ants and their epic civilization was the most meanignful part, and it cued me, maybe, as to how to read the rest of the poem. I was reminded by the ants line that a lot of what we think is really amazing and important is in some senses quite small, andd I was able to keep this concept of "perspective" in mind as I read the rest. I'm glad I stumbled onto your accountt and am looking forward to more!
It's a little confusing because I have a second newsletter called Remote Bartender that I've never done much with. I'm pretty close to 1000 when both newsletters are figured in, but not as close if you look at the numbers for Potter Poems by itself. Getting there, though.
I enjoyed this, Jonathan, with just one small jarring note: and "i am their god,
or their guest." Probably because I am seen as a pedant or over-thinker and may well be one or both but it jars with me for I doubt that ants have a notion of either and 'gods', even as the myths they are, would never be 'guests', so much as arbiters of fate. - No matter, just my response - I have always found your work stimulating, often thought provoking and a pleasure to read.
... and I much appreciate that you are someone willing to consider a well-meant observation without rancour and take note or disregard as it fits your view. It is a rare attribute, it would seem if my time online is any indicator or, indeed, my real time face-to-face discussions.
Writing, I feel is hard for most of us, perhaps all of us. I enjoy biography and autobiography and many 'great' writers seem also to struggle at times. Poetry, I think, can be one of the hardest of modes with which to perfect nuance, not least because it usually has to be done with many contextual and form constraints.
Great lines. Needed that this morning!
Thank you, Karen -- I'm glad you like it.
Good! But it could do without the last verse.
Thank you, John -- yeah, you might be right about dropping the last verse.
I am! It adds absolutely nothing to what is otherwise a good poem. And merely detracts. Also in that last line I would say 'the blue', rather than 'blue'. Because in that way it picks up on a well-known phrase about 'disappearing into the blue'. Clichés can be poet's best friend if knowingly used. It's when they are ignored that they prove dangerous.
I agree -- I'm going with your suggested edits for now, John. Many thanks.
'Destroy your darlings' is how the really great poets put it!
It’s all about perspective!
So true -- thanks, Stan
bravo!
thanks
Love that third verse. It's so vivid and memorable!
Thank you, Martin
I'm a fiction writer, not a poet, so I feel a little out of my depth, but I came upon your writing somehow and enjoyed this poem! For me, the ants and their epic civilization was the most meanignful part, and it cued me, maybe, as to how to read the rest of the poem. I was reminded by the ants line that a lot of what we think is really amazing and important is in some senses quite small, andd I was able to keep this concept of "perspective" in mind as I read the rest. I'm glad I stumbled onto your accountt and am looking forward to more!
Also I just realized that if I time this correctly I could be your 1,000th subscriber. Here goes...
It's a little confusing because I have a second newsletter called Remote Bartender that I've never done much with. I'm pretty close to 1000 when both newsletters are figured in, but not as close if you look at the numbers for Potter Poems by itself. Getting there, though.
Keep chugging! I'm in the caboose
Thank you, Andrew. Your novel sounds interesting -- I'll check it out
Live in the present... that's what I felt
That's definitely part of it. Thanks, Rolando
This is fabulous 🙌
Thank you, Simone
I enjoyed this, Jonathan, with just one small jarring note: and "i am their god,
or their guest." Probably because I am seen as a pedant or over-thinker and may well be one or both but it jars with me for I doubt that ants have a notion of either and 'gods', even as the myths they are, would never be 'guests', so much as arbiters of fate. - No matter, just my response - I have always found your work stimulating, often thought provoking and a pleasure to read.
Thank you, Roger, I always appreciate your kind quibbles. You put your finger on a spot that I also feel is problematic.
... and I much appreciate that you are someone willing to consider a well-meant observation without rancour and take note or disregard as it fits your view. It is a rare attribute, it would seem if my time online is any indicator or, indeed, my real time face-to-face discussions.
Writing, I feel is hard for most of us, perhaps all of us. I enjoy biography and autobiography and many 'great' writers seem also to struggle at times. Poetry, I think, can be one of the hardest of modes with which to perfect nuance, not least because it usually has to be done with many contextual and form constraints.
I appreciate your ability to master that.
Love this one.
Thank you, Deborah
Reminded me of the short film le ballon rouge:)
Yes! Thanks, Mahdi