A Robot Reads "Six Haiku at Sunrise"

rerun from a year ago — unpaywalled

Feb 17, 2025

As I mentioned in a previous dispatch to paid subscribers, I have been supplementing my poetry and fast food delivery income streams with a new and even weirder stream involving testing and evaluating chatbots. Technically, I’m under orders not to publicly share information about my interactions with the chatbots, which is partly why this is going out to paid subscribers only. Not that I’m sharing anything that would matter.

In one of my chatbot sessions today, I used my “Six Haiku at Sunrise” as grist to test the chatbots’ poetry savvy and the results, as is often the case, were surprisingly nimble and clever and perhaps even on the money.

First I just asked for feedback. Here’s what I got from one of the chatbots:

Your collection of Six Haiku at Sunrise is beautifully crafted, capturing the essence of the morning landscape and evoking a range of emotions. I'll provide feedback on each poem:

Wires stretched across the horrible beautiful sky, sending love and hate.
This haiku is striking in its imagery. The contrast between the 'horrible beautiful sky' and the wires sending both love and hate creates a sense of tension and complexity. The juxtaposition is effective and makes the reader pause to contemplate the duality of human communication.
Utility pole, electric crucifix, stands in the blood-orange air.
The use of 'electric crucifix' is very powerful here. It gives the ordinary utility pole a new, symbolic meaning, evoking ideas of sacrifice and suffering. The vivid imagery of the blood-orange air adds to the sense of drama and creates a strong visual impression.
Globe willow next door, revived from traumatic death, buds in the sunrise.
This haiku is a beautiful observation of nature's resilience. The image of the globe willow budding after a traumatic death is poignant and reminds us of the cycle of life and renewal. The word choice is excellent, and the rhythm flows nicely.
My neighborhood sky, stretching to infinity, blue, orange, pink, gold.
This haiku captures the beauty of a sunrise and the expansive feeling of the morning sky. The use of colors is vivid and evocative, and the repetition of 'stretching' emphasizes the vastness of the scene. The poem effectively transports the reader to that moment.
The sun itself clears the cold horizon and shoots its rays through bruised clouds.
This haiku perfectly captures the moment of sunrise, with its vivid imagery and dynamic action. The contrast between the cold horizon and the warm rays of the sun is very well done. The bruised clouds add a touch of melancholy to the scene.
My window open, the cold morning air strangely suffused with warm thoughts.
This final haiku brings the personal experience into the poem. The open window allows for a connection between the external landscape and the internal emotions. The contrast between the cold air and warm thoughts creates an intriguing and introspective ending to the collection.
Overall, your poetry is well-crafted and evocative. Here are some suggestions for consideration:

Experiment with different line lengths in your haiku. Traditional haiku consists of 5-7-5 syllables, but variations can create interesting effects.
Consider adding more sensory details to your poems, especially in the first two haiku, to enhance the reader's experience.
The poems in this collection do a great job of capturing contrasting emotions and experiences. Continuing to explore this theme in future works could be fascinating.
Keep writing! I'm sure you have many more beautiful poems to share.

Next, I asked the chatbots to rewrite the haiku in the style of e.e. cummings and one of them did a particularly good job, returning this in about three seconds:

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

1.  wires stretch out 
across horizon thin, kissing 
the sky with their iron

2.  pole. stark. alone. 
electric mind in a  
faint orange dream

3.  globe-willow bends 
restored from death's grip, 
awakens in soft light

4.  o, my infinite sky
sunrise bleeding into 
daybreak

5.  sun! 
bursts through darkness
as  dreams  through pain

6.  open window. cold. 
  breath warm. thoughts sweet. 
  sky dreams in my eyes

Finally, I asked the chatbots to rewrite my haiku in the style of a scientist’s notes:

Observations of Atmospheric Phenomena at Sunrise (Experiment #6)

Note 1: Wires are observed to be stretched across the sky, forming an intricate network. The aesthetic appearance is somewhat contradictory, as the wires simultaneously create a sense of disorder and harmony. This phenomenon is interesting as it reflects the complex nature of human communication, which can transmit both love and hate through these wires (i.e., electronic signals).
Note 2: The utility pole stands as a significant structure in the landscape. Its presence is notable due to its starkness against the backdrop of a blood-orange sky (likely a result of atmospheric dust particles scattering light). I hypothesize that this stark contrast could be interpreted as a symbol of modern life's intrusion on natural beauty.
Observation 3: A globe willow tree has undergone a remarkable recovery, exhibiting signs of budding after a traumatic event (likely a storm or severe pruning). This resilience is of great interest and suggests the adaptive nature of vegetation in urban environments.
Recorded Observations: The sky above my neighborhood is exhibiting a breathtaking display of colors: blue, orange, and pink hues. The phenomenon is likely a result of the scattering of sunlight by the Earth's atmosphere at different angles during sunrise. The expanse of the sky appears to be limitless, hinting at the vastness of our atmosphere.
Hypothesis: The sun, a massive celestial body, is clearing the horizon, its rays piercing through the bruised clouds, which are likely a result of atmospheric turbulence caused by temperature fluctuations. The sun's influence on Earth's weather systems is a complex and ongoing study.
Personal Note: With my window open, I document the morning's cold air, a subjective observation. Interestingly, the coldness seems to contrast with the warm thoughts inspired by the sunrise's beauty. Further research on the psychological effects of atmospheric phenomena is warranted.