Sunrise 2/17/24 *
supplementary material
* a bonus feature for paid subscribers everyone may be found below
[unpaywalled following a one-year embargo]
As I mentioned in a previous dispatch to paid subscribers, I have been supplementing my poetry and fast food delivery income streams with a new and even weirder stream involving testing and evaluating chatbots. Technically, I’m under orders not to publicly share information about my interactions with the chatbots, which is partly why this is going out to paid subscribers only. Not that I’m sharing anything that would matter.
In one of my chatbot sessions today, I used my “Six Haiku at Sunrise” as grist to test the chatbots’ poetry savvy and the results, as is often the case, were surprisingly nimble and clever and perhaps even on the money.
First I just asked for feedback. Here’s what I got from one of the chatbots:
Your collection of Six Haiku at Sunrise is beautifully crafted, capturing the essence of the morning landscape and evoking a range of emotions. I'll provide feedback on each poem:
Wires stretched across the horrible beautiful sky, sending love and hate.
This haiku is striking in its imagery. The contrast between the 'horrible beautiful sky' and the wires sending both love and hate creates a sense of tension and complexity. The juxtaposition is effective and makes the reader pause to contemplate the duality of human communication.Utility pole, electric crucifix, stands in the blood-orange air.
The use of 'electric crucifix' is very powerful here. It gives the ordinary utility pole a new, symbolic meaning, evoking ideas of sacrifice and suffering. The vivid imagery of the blood-orange air adds to the sense of drama and creates a strong visual impression.Globe willow next door, revived from traumatic death, buds in the sunrise.
This haiku is a beautiful observation of nature's resilience. The image of the globe willow budding after a traumatic death is poignant and reminds us of the cycle of life and renewal. The word choice is excellent, and the rhythm flows nicely.My neighborhood sky, stretching to infinity, blue, orange, pink, gold.
This haiku captures the beauty of a sunrise and the expansive feeling of the morning sky. The use of colors is vivid and evocative, and the repetition of 'stretching' emphasizes the vastness of the scene. The poem effectively transports the reader to that moment.The sun itself clears the cold horizon and shoots its rays through bruised clouds.
This haiku perfectly captures the moment of sunrise, with its vivid imagery and dynamic action. The contrast between the cold horizon and the warm rays of the sun is very well done. The bruised clouds add a touch of melancholy to the scene.My window open, the cold morning air strangely suffused with warm thoughts.
This final haiku brings the personal experience into the poem. The open window allows for a connection between the external landscape and the internal emotions. The contrast between the cold air and warm thoughts creates an intriguing and introspective ending to the collection.Overall, your poetry is well-crafted and evocative. Here are some suggestions for consideration:
Experiment with different line lengths in your haiku. Traditional haiku consists of 5-7-5 syllables, but variations can create interesting effects.
Consider adding more sensory details to your poems, especially in the first two haiku, to enhance the reader's experience.
The poems in this collection do a great job of capturing contrasting emotions and experiences. Continuing to explore this theme in future works could be fascinating.
Keep writing! I'm sure you have many more beautiful poems to share.
Next, I asked the chatbots to rewrite the haiku in the style of e.e. cummings and one of them did a particularly good job, returning this in about three seconds:
1. wires stretch out across horizon thin, kissing the sky with their iron 2. pole. stark. alone. electric mind in a faint orange dream 3. globe-willow bends restored from death's grip, awakens in soft light 4. o, my infinite sky sunrise bleeding into daybreak 5. sun! bursts through darkness as dreams through pain 6. open window. cold. breath warm. thoughts sweet. sky dreams in my eyes
Finally, I asked the chatbots to rewrite my haiku in the style of a scientist’s notes:
Observations of Atmospheric Phenomena at Sunrise (Experiment #6)
Note 1: Wires are observed to be stretched across the sky, forming an intricate network. The aesthetic appearance is somewhat contradictory, as the wires simultaneously create a sense of disorder and harmony. This phenomenon is interesting as it reflects the complex nature of human communication, which can transmit both love and hate through these wires (i.e., electronic signals).
Note 2: The utility pole stands as a significant structure in the landscape. Its presence is notable due to its starkness against the backdrop of a blood-orange sky (likely a result of atmospheric dust particles scattering light). I hypothesize that this stark contrast could be interpreted as a symbol of modern life's intrusion on natural beauty.
Observation 3: A globe willow tree has undergone a remarkable recovery, exhibiting signs of budding after a traumatic event (likely a storm or severe pruning). This resilience is of great interest and suggests the adaptive nature of vegetation in urban environments.
Recorded Observations: The sky above my neighborhood is exhibiting a breathtaking display of colors: blue, orange, and pink hues. The phenomenon is likely a result of the scattering of sunlight by the Earth's atmosphere at different angles during sunrise. The expanse of the sky appears to be limitless, hinting at the vastness of our atmosphere.
Hypothesis: The sun, a massive celestial body, is clearing the horizon, its rays piercing through the bruised clouds, which are likely a result of atmospheric turbulence caused by temperature fluctuations. The sun's influence on Earth's weather systems is a complex and ongoing study.
Personal Note: With my window open, I document the morning's cold air, a subjective observation. Interestingly, the coldness seems to contrast with the warm thoughts inspired by the sunrise's beauty. Further research on the psychological effects of atmospheric phenomena is warranted.
Fantastic! And just a little horrifying.
I find this a bit terrifying, and as I write this I realize I've fallen in the time-old stereotype of the old being afraid of new technology. Still, the sense that our humanity is slipping away from us together with our ability of distinguishing the true from the false, brings me a sense of dread for our collective future. In any case, I admire your foolish courage to explore this new reality, and thank you for these short missives as you explore a place I've not had the courage to go. (At least not beyond generating images with AI assistance with almost always unsatisfying results.)
If you've ever read Shelly you will understand these questions: Will we, like Frankenstein, create a "monster" that we cannot control? Will it question the meaning of it's existence and become more human than us? Will it hate us or love us? And will we ever know (or can we know) if it ever does? That is, will we be able to distinguish something dead mimicking life from the real deal? And if we are not able to, will we ever give it the benefit of the doubt, or choose the most convenient answer to justify the most horrific acts? (Something we've shown ourselves to be most apt at.) In short, who will become the real monster in this drama? In truth, it is not the prospect of robot overlords that I fear, but what we will become.
Fascinated with this, Jonathan.
The critiques weren’t off at all.
It’s attempt at reproducing your poetry: a definite miss.