Ha ha! It's a nice poem and I like it. Especially the replacement of the proverbial brass ring with a colored ribbon, the humble setting of a county fair, and the improbable but perfect cameo by Updike. And aren't we forever discovering that "there are errors"?
Oh, I read it. My take away was three lines of eleven syllables and one of five. And the dance those syllables do was more than I could manage so I left it at that.
The 11 syllables are just my fetish. You can use more (or fewer), and you can adjust the number of syllables by using metrical substitutions.
The main thing for each verse (a quatrain) is three lines consisting of 2 trochees (DA-dum DA-dum) + 1 dactyl (DA-dum-dum) + 2 more trochees (DA-dum DA-dum), with the fourth line consisting of 1 dactyl (DA-dum-dum) + 1 trochee (DA-dum). And that's it, in as many verses as you want.
Did I miss that your poem had lines of 11 syllables? Very conscientious of you, but not necessary, though it may sometimes work out that way, but it won't always in accentual-syllabic verse (as opposed to the purely syllabic verse that I mostly write).
Not hearing sapphics but like it all the same.
Yeah, sapphics are too hard.
Ha ha! It's a nice poem and I like it. Especially the replacement of the proverbial brass ring with a colored ribbon, the humble setting of a county fair, and the improbable but perfect cameo by Updike. And aren't we forever discovering that "there are errors"?
Thank you. It’s a practice run at the idea of writing sapphic stanzas. I’ll be revisiting yours.
There’s a long craft note, if that’s any help.
Oh, I read it. My take away was three lines of eleven syllables and one of five. And the dance those syllables do was more than I could manage so I left it at that.
Oh no! A misunderstanding.
The 11 syllables are just my fetish. You can use more (or fewer), and you can adjust the number of syllables by using metrical substitutions.
The main thing for each verse (a quatrain) is three lines consisting of 2 trochees (DA-dum DA-dum) + 1 dactyl (DA-dum-dum) + 2 more trochees (DA-dum DA-dum), with the fourth line consisting of 1 dactyl (DA-dum-dum) + 1 trochee (DA-dum). And that's it, in as many verses as you want.
Did I miss that your poem had lines of 11 syllables? Very conscientious of you, but not necessary, though it may sometimes work out that way, but it won't always in accentual-syllabic verse (as opposed to the purely syllabic verse that I mostly write).
I want to try this form now 😅