I empathize with the poem's sentiment. I struggle with the fading of certain dreams nearly every day. On that, I get the poem and maybe even the poet. Poems go where poems go, so I am not criticizing the poem, per se. But the sentiment, the "perhaps" especially, feels defeatist. A wistful sigh (sign) of loss. Which will only lead to another, and another. I guess I was calling out to the persona behind the poem to look forward, only forward, the capacity for dreams is not finite. It's not zero sum. You can keep your current longstanding dreams on simmer as you create and pursue new ones. I guess if the dream is for a lover who will never be yours, sure, it will be wise to forego that dream and pursue another when that person comes along. But most dreams can exist side by side with others, or can be tweaked slightly and cast in a different shape. Too many words, I am sorry, but the "perhaps" and what followed hit home as resignation. Speaking for myself, and admittedly imposing this on the poet, we can't afford resignation. We have Too much to accomplish in our limited days here to be resigned to anything.
I appreciate your approach, and I'm not saying you're wrong -- in fact I love the level of engagement you've generously expended here -- but you're making that "perhaps" carry a lot of water.
Every word, syllable, punctuation point carries a lot of water in a poem. The fewer words the greater weight each one must carry! Not that I'm correct about "perhaps". It just happened to be the word that got be the most wet. 😉
Here's a possible revision inspired by your comments and further reflections that might better get at the element of a struggle towards something like Jung's concept of individuation that I had in mind:
In delving deeper into your Substack, you are the poet. I have an MFA in poetry, but it's been a very long time since I've flexed those muscles. And I was for several years a very long time ago in Jungian therapy, in which I experienced some of my finest moments and one of the worst, so it's a time I like not to think about. Only to say, I can't comment on Jung's concept of individuation with any confidence. But....
I will say moving from "perhaps it's time" -- a supremely passive phrase that evokes a sense of thoughtful recognition but very little engagement or commitment -- to "I tell myself to pull / up anchor..." --- well, we're in completely new waters. This is assertive, decisive, active.
Does this make it a "better" poem? I don't know, but it gives the persona behind the words agency. I wouldn't have commented as I did had this been the first version. I know you say that I'm giving that single word "perhaps" too much importance, but look at all that water it carried that's no longer there! The poem no longer concludes with a ponderous moment that could easily result in getting another beer out of the galley fridge to a decisive one in which the future is at hand, and a self-recognition that it's time to own that future.
I'm surprised you gave my comment a thought; I'm thankful you did. I do think from a human element (forget the poetry for a second), that we're in stronger currents here, ones that I hope I am personally sailing in as well.
This one hits for me at this very moment in my life. So true. So wise. Keep sailing, my friend. What else is there to really do but journey and enjoy it?
I like them both. The first feels like a question, the second a command. It's just about intention and they both have an important message of how dreams have shelf-life and can hold us back from other dreams if we hold on too long.
Good take. I'm thinking my addition of "undream" does the work I needed to be done in the poem and that I could therefore put the "perhaps" back -- for the exact reason you cite.
The imagery of change, comfort and dreams. Beautiful lines.
Thank you, WPSE. I appreciate the kind attention
You’re welcome and same goes to you!
The past is a fried egg ready to be flipped and devoured before today’s dreams sour.
Yes ... see also: https://jopomojo.substack.com/p/cutting-through-disturbing-dreams?utm_source=publication-search -- stanza 4, line 6
Sail away!
Yes! Thanks, Fotini
We have a history of history and will have tomorrow.
Good one, Stan. See also the following reading list: https://search.worldcat.org/search?q=ti%3A%22history+of+history%22&offset=1
Food for thought. Much needed this morning. Thanks Jonathan.
Thank you, Monica
Lesson One.
Nice take, Patris
A great perspective! A new day!
Thank you, Anthony
Too fatalistic! Come on! Put on your best dress, baby, and get out there and do it! No moaning! Age and experience is your path forward!
Is this a paraphrase of the poem or a critique of the poet?
I empathize with the poem's sentiment. I struggle with the fading of certain dreams nearly every day. On that, I get the poem and maybe even the poet. Poems go where poems go, so I am not criticizing the poem, per se. But the sentiment, the "perhaps" especially, feels defeatist. A wistful sigh (sign) of loss. Which will only lead to another, and another. I guess I was calling out to the persona behind the poem to look forward, only forward, the capacity for dreams is not finite. It's not zero sum. You can keep your current longstanding dreams on simmer as you create and pursue new ones. I guess if the dream is for a lover who will never be yours, sure, it will be wise to forego that dream and pursue another when that person comes along. But most dreams can exist side by side with others, or can be tweaked slightly and cast in a different shape. Too many words, I am sorry, but the "perhaps" and what followed hit home as resignation. Speaking for myself, and admittedly imposing this on the poet, we can't afford resignation. We have Too much to accomplish in our limited days here to be resigned to anything.
I appreciate your approach, and I'm not saying you're wrong -- in fact I love the level of engagement you've generously expended here -- but you're making that "perhaps" carry a lot of water.
Every word, syllable, punctuation point carries a lot of water in a poem. The fewer words the greater weight each one must carry! Not that I'm correct about "perhaps". It just happened to be the word that got be the most wet. 😉
Here's a possible revision inspired by your comments and further reflections that might better get at the element of a struggle towards something like Jung's concept of individuation that I had in mind:
I had my time in the past
and although that time is now gone
it continues to anchor my dreams
in the dark undream of day,
so I tell myself to pull
up anchor and wake to new dreams.
In delving deeper into your Substack, you are the poet. I have an MFA in poetry, but it's been a very long time since I've flexed those muscles. And I was for several years a very long time ago in Jungian therapy, in which I experienced some of my finest moments and one of the worst, so it's a time I like not to think about. Only to say, I can't comment on Jung's concept of individuation with any confidence. But....
I will say moving from "perhaps it's time" -- a supremely passive phrase that evokes a sense of thoughtful recognition but very little engagement or commitment -- to "I tell myself to pull / up anchor..." --- well, we're in completely new waters. This is assertive, decisive, active.
Does this make it a "better" poem? I don't know, but it gives the persona behind the words agency. I wouldn't have commented as I did had this been the first version. I know you say that I'm giving that single word "perhaps" too much importance, but look at all that water it carried that's no longer there! The poem no longer concludes with a ponderous moment that could easily result in getting another beer out of the galley fridge to a decisive one in which the future is at hand, and a self-recognition that it's time to own that future.
I'm surprised you gave my comment a thought; I'm thankful you did. I do think from a human element (forget the poetry for a second), that we're in stronger currents here, ones that I hope I am personally sailing in as well.
In appreciation...
This one hits for me at this very moment in my life. So true. So wise. Keep sailing, my friend. What else is there to really do but journey and enjoy it?
Thanks, Troy, I’m glad it struck a chord. Let me know what you think of this alternate draft:
I had my time in the past
and although that time is now gone
it continues to anchor my dreams
in the dark undream of day,
so I tell myself to pull
up anchor and wake to new dreams.
I like them both. The first feels like a question, the second a command. It's just about intention and they both have an important message of how dreams have shelf-life and can hold us back from other dreams if we hold on too long.
Good take. I'm thinking my addition of "undream" does the work I needed to be done in the poem and that I could therefore put the "perhaps" back -- for the exact reason you cite.