Beautiful poem. I found the end a little too abrupt so I read it again. It's all there, you are leading us to it, I don't know why I found the cold winter arrive too unexpectedly. The words and flow match the title very well.
It is sort of the nature of the Bref Double to feel a let down at the end. At least the last (and first) time I wrote one, I had the same feeling. (https://jopomojo.substack.com/p/sunrise-12223)
This is an interesting poem because you use the Bref Double, and you handle that poetic form quite well with its mixture of rhymed and unrhymed lines. I particularly like the feminisation of your vision and that fine suggestive line about wanting 'To touch your skirt as the day starts.'
Thank you, Martin. I like that you zeroed in on the feminine aspect. I'm geographically separated from my beloved for several weeks right now so I was definitely thinking of her.
I knew there was some very human story going on there, but I couldn't figure out what it was. Thanks for telling me that. It makes the poem quite special.
Cold end. Begins a winter. Snow flutters wet large flakes in Sierras. Maybe a good change of pace . Missing a love makes a salutation to the sun meditation appear with warm wishes for a quick return.
I love the beginning - it's perfect and sets us up well for the suddenness of the cold descent. In my opinion, the whole would be diminished if the ending was more gradual or kinder.
Jonathan, I think this is brilliant. I always enjoy personification in poetry. Being thankful for the sun and the summer while rueing the coming winter. I read your exchange with Pilgrim. I feel like the poem leads into the abruptness you spoke of. I could feel the change coming in the prior stanza - ‘reading again the summer day.’ Great work.
You gave this poem a good ending. I see it good because it is a big change; one that one is not expecting giving the poem a surprising end; one that comes as a big jump as I see it. Was that your intention? I wonder. By the way, a good poem.
I've not come across this form before. My one difficulty with the poem is: how can anybody not be aware of a broken heart? (Except of course it be somebody else's.)
Maybe I was thinking of them being in denial about it. Like the Kierkegaard quote Walker Percy uses as the epigraph to The Moviegoer. “The character of despair is precisely this: that it is unaware of being despair.”
starting fresh
when one book ends
toward the winter
Dark and cold
I like this, David -- thank you.
Beautiful poem. I found the end a little too abrupt so I read it again. It's all there, you are leading us to it, I don't know why I found the cold winter arrive too unexpectedly. The words and flow match the title very well.
Thanks WP, I felt that abruptness too and I'm not sure I'm quite satisfied with it. Maybe there's a way I could soften it a bit.
Maybe cos it’s a shorter stanza? We should see it coming though!
It is sort of the nature of the Bref Double to feel a let down at the end. At least the last (and first) time I wrote one, I had the same feeling. (https://jopomojo.substack.com/p/sunrise-12223)
This is an interesting poem because you use the Bref Double, and you handle that poetic form quite well with its mixture of rhymed and unrhymed lines. I particularly like the feminisation of your vision and that fine suggestive line about wanting 'To touch your skirt as the day starts.'
Thank you, Martin. I like that you zeroed in on the feminine aspect. I'm geographically separated from my beloved for several weeks right now so I was definitely thinking of her.
I knew there was some very human story going on there, but I couldn't figure out what it was. Thanks for telling me that. It makes the poem quite special.
I just added "geographically" to the above, just to be clear. We very much still together in spirit and love, but we have to navigate the distance.
You are welcome Jonathan! Your poems and photographs are fabulous. I look forward to them.
Many thanks, mon ami
Cold end. Begins a winter. Snow flutters wet large flakes in Sierras. Maybe a good change of pace . Missing a love makes a salutation to the sun meditation appear with warm wishes for a quick return.
Thanks, Richard
I love the beginning - it's perfect and sets us up well for the suddenness of the cold descent. In my opinion, the whole would be diminished if the ending was more gradual or kinder.
Thanks, Mark, I appreciate it
Jonathan, I think this is brilliant. I always enjoy personification in poetry. Being thankful for the sun and the summer while rueing the coming winter. I read your exchange with Pilgrim. I feel like the poem leads into the abruptness you spoke of. I could feel the change coming in the prior stanza - ‘reading again the summer day.’ Great work.
Thank you, Rod, I appreciate the feedback
You gave this poem a good ending. I see it good because it is a big change; one that one is not expecting giving the poem a surprising end; one that comes as a big jump as I see it. Was that your intention? I wonder. By the way, a good poem.
Thanks, Luis. Re the end, sort of, yes, with some uncertainty.
I've not come across this form before. My one difficulty with the poem is: how can anybody not be aware of a broken heart? (Except of course it be somebody else's.)
Maybe I was thinking of them being in denial about it. Like the Kierkegaard quote Walker Percy uses as the epigraph to The Moviegoer. “The character of despair is precisely this: that it is unaware of being despair.”
Well, that's certainly not the way I react to despair. Or its opposite.
I had the same reaction when I first encountered the epigraph. But I think there’s something to it. The problem of self-knowledge and self-deception.